A free kick sent into the United mixer. Willy Boly flicks it in, and what on earth is happening in the Premier League this afternoon?! Old Trafford segues from shock to irritation. Plenty for United to be getting on with here.
A shock early goal at Old Trafford as well! A United corner. Forest hit United on the break. Taiwo Awoniyi runs the length of the park to score!
Andreas Pereira latches onto a poor Bukayo Saka pass and gives the Cottagers a shock early lead!
Some better Old Trafford vibes. Before today’s match, the living legend that is Sir Alex Ferguson presented title medals to former Manchester United players, or family members of those players, who played for championship-winning teams between 1952 and 1965, but were not eligible at the time. The rules have since been changed, and so these wrongs are being made right. A heartwarming scene.
Trepidation spreads down the M62. “Same Old Trafford, same old Man U,” begins Jeremy Boyce. “Three changes today, but they could make 33 changes today and seemingly be nowhere nearer knowing where they’re going. Ten Hag maybe didn’t realise the enormity of the task, trying to undo years of mis-management on every level, as reflected in the bloated, unbalanced nature of the squad. The £80m bench-warmer says everything. Ten Hag seems like a decent bloke, and is obviously a good manager, but has he succumbed to the Man U manager vortex, like so many before him? Meanwhile, likeable, decent-bloke Steve Cooper and his board seem to have a sense of direction. Could be an interesting afternoon, and another opportunity for the lightning-fast Brennan Johnson to display his talents on the big stage versus Man U’s dodgy defence.”
Pre-match Evertonian angst (No3 in an ongoing series). “First things first,” begins Mary Waltz. “The state of Everton Football Club is in such dire straights that we need to focus on just scoring a goal before we can discuss points and table position. Baby steps, Baby steps.”
Matt Burtz adds: “The outlook at Goodison is not good right now, but at least Dyche has opted for Branthwaite over Keane. Where will a goal come from? I have no idea. But their xG is better than their results have been, especially against Fulham, so maybe they can turn it around today.”
Oh, and if we’re affording Rangers the opportunity of some As It Stands table fun, then it’s only fair to give Spurs their two hours’ worth as well. Here you go! Enjoy, enjoy.
FULL TIME: Bournemouth 0-2 Tottenham Hotspur. Spurs, their players and their fans, are falling for Ange Postecoglou hard. Rob Smyth describes the scenes as the whirlwind romance sweeps along the south coast.
FULL TIME: Ross County 0-2 Rangers. First-half goals from Kemar Roofe and James Tavernier get the job done for Michael Beale’s side in Dingwall. The result puts the Light Blues top of the Scottish Premiership, for a couple of hours at least. Celtic, Motherwell and Kilmarnock all have the chance of leapfrogging them later: Celtic host St Johnstone while Motherwell welcome Killie to Fir Park.
Manchester United v Nottingham Forest. United make three changes. Christian Eriksen, Anthony Martial and Diogo Dalot replace the injured Luke Shaw and Mason Mount, and the benched Alejandro Garnacho. Forest make two swaps, Ryan Yates and Ola Aina replacing Neco Williams and the absent Orel Mangala. Shiny new signing Gonzalo Montiel, securer of both World Cup and Europa League, is alongside Williams on the bench.
Everton v Wolves. Sean Dyche makes three changes. The hapless Michael Keane is replaced in defence by Jarrad Branthwaite, while Lewis Dobbin deputises for the injured Dominic Calvert-Lewin. Arnaut Danjuma makes his full debut, replacing the hamstrung Alex Iwobi. Gary O’Neil meanwhile makes two changes. Hugo Bueno and Hwang Hee-chan replace Rayan Ait-Nouri, who drops to the bench, and Matheus Nunes, who isn’t in the squad, possibly parcelled up and ready for delivery to Manchester City.
Brentford v Crystal Palace. Brentford, who won 3-0 at Fulham last weekend, are unsurprisingly unchanged. Crystal Palace also name an unchanged side, in the wake of running Arsenal close on Monday night.
Arsenal v Fulham. Jakub Kiwior replaces the suspended Takehiro Tomiyasu for the hosts, while Leandro Trossard starts ahead of Eddie Nketiah. Gabriel Jesus is back from injury and is on the bench. Fulham also make two changes. Tim Ream is suspended so debutant Calvin Bassey deputises. Joao Palhinha takes the place of Harrison Reed.
Arsenal: Ramsdale, Partey, White, Saliba, Kiwior, Odegaard, Rice, Havertz, Saka, Trossard, Martinelli.
Subs: Gabriel, Gabriel Jesus, Smith Rowe, Nketiah, Jorginho, Vieira, Raya, Nelson, Zinchenko.
Fulham: Leno, Tete, Diop, Bassey, Robinson, Lukic, Joao Palhinha, Andreas Pereira, Wilson, Jimenez, Reid.
Subs: Rodak, Adarabioyo, Reed, Cairney, Traore, Rodrigo Muniz, Mbabu, Vinicius, Harris.
Brentford: Flekken, Hickey, Collins, Pinnock, Henry, Jensen, Norgaard, Janelt, Mbeumo, Wissa, Schade.
Subs: Balcombe, Jorgensen, Onyeka, Ajer, Lewis-Potter, Roerslev, Yarmolyuk, Olakigbe, Brierley.
Crystal Palace: Johnstone, Ward, Andersen, Guehi, Mitchell, Lerma, Doucoure, Ayew, Eze, Schlupp, Edouard.
Subs: Tomkins, Mateta, Clyne, Richards, Ahamada, Matthews, Gordon, Riedewald, Rak-Sakyi.
Everton: Pickford, Patterson, Branthwaite, Tarkowski, Young, Gueye, Garner, Doucoure, Onana, Dobbin, Danjuma.
Subs: Keane, Virginia, Maupay, Mykolenko, Godfrey, Chermiti, Lonergan, Cannon, Onyango.
Wolverhampton Wanderers: Jose Sa, Nelson Semedo, Dawson, Kilman, Bueno, Pedro Neto, Joao Gomes, Lemina, Hwang, Matheus Cunha, Silva.
Subs: Doherty, Ait Nouri, Traore, Kalajdzic, Jonny, Sarabia, Gomes, Bentley, Hodge.
Manchester United: Onana, Wan-Bissaka, Varane, Martinez, Dalot, Casemiro, Eriksen, Antony, Bruno Fernandes, Rashford, Martial.
Subs: Lindelof, Maguire, Sancho, Henderson, Pellistri, McTominay, Fernandez, Garnacho, Gore.
Nottingham Forest: Turner, Boly, Worrall, McKenna, Aurier, Danilo, Yates, Aina, Johnson, Gibbs-White, Awoniyi.
Subs: Montiel, Williams, Kouyate, Wood, Niakhate, Elanga, Freuler, Horvath, Hwang.
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-2 Tottenham Hotspur (Kulusevski 63). Dejan Kulusevski has doubled Tottenham’s lead at Dean Court. Rob Smyth tells it as it is.
There are two big matches already underway. In the Premier League, Spurs are currently leading 1-0 at Bournemouth. Rob Smyth has all the details of that …
… while over the border, Rangers lead their hosts Ross County 2-0 thanks to first-half goals from Kemar Roofe and James Tavernier. Just over an hour gone in both games.
Some big matches in the Premier League 3pms today, not least the first relegation six-pointer of the season at Goodison Park. One way or another we’ll be publishing email correspondence from Mary Waltz and Gary Naylor, I’ll be bound. Anyway, those 3pms …
Arsenal v Fulham
Brentford v Crystal Palace
Everton v Wolverhampton Wanderers
Manchester United v Nottingham Forest
Plus! Scottish champions Celtic host St Johnstone, while there’s a full(ish) card in the Championship, where Ipswich Town and Leicester City aim to make it four wins out of four against the Uniteds of Leeds and Rotherham respectively. Kick-off is at … I’ll not insult your intelligence. But this much can’t be stated enough: it’s on! Team news when we have it.